Self Portrait (+10 inches of manpower)

After a long day being a G, I’m just trying to get some grub. As always just trying do my thing, but these white people won’t leave me alone. I’m at McDonalds trying to get motherfuc*in Hot n Spicy McChicken, and my white classmate struts up and says, “G, you know you have high blood pressure, I don’t think you should eat that, you should probably get a salad.” In my head I’m like, what the fu*k is a salad? I need meat man, I’m hungry. I ain’t no rabbit.

And the funny thing is I don’t even have high blood pressure, and I’m far from chubby. So I’m like wow I got stereotyped like crazy, he’s probably going to ask me which part of Africa I came from next and if we live in mud huts. Anyways, he bought a salad, and I purchased a Hot N Spicy McChicken. And then he even says, “Do you even know what’s in that? You probably wouldn’t eat it if you did.” Tell me why he wants me to go hungry? Damn homie, let me eat!

This dude didn’t even look like he was enjoying his salad (I was dying in laughter on the inside). First, he like doused it in 2 packs of ranch dressing, then added croûtons and mixed everything up, by the time he was done, it looked like some soup or something. I’m pretty sure it was unhealthier than my Hot N Spicy. The guy thought he was saving the world or something with his Super Salad.

Whatever.

To my Black people on the real -

Quit with the overeating bullsh*t. That sh*t is ridiculous. Ni*gas is dying from eating. How you gonna be so greedy that you die from eating? I’m tired of seeing 5 year old girls who weigh more than me with hypertension and diabetes. This one girl came to stay in my house…(Lord forgive me) 9 years old, 300+ pounds. Why was she in my house? I dont know, but she was an eating machine. She didn’t leave nothing for anyone. I would come home and she would be laying on the couch with a plate on her stomach. I seen her drink a whole soda in 10 seconds and crush the can, smh. But yeah, TELL ME WHY? I heard someone in the kitchen in the middle of the night, so I walked in there and I aint see noone? Low and behold this girl was hiding in the pantry closet beastin on food, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wished I never looked because she scared the sh*t out of me.

Sometimes I was afraid that she would hurt me, because she weighed almost twice as much as me So I never denied her food.

Moral:

Black people: Watch your kids they getting too fat too young. If your right hand makes you eat too much….cut it off.

White people: Don’t talk down on Black peoples food when we’re eating. It’s offensive and we really don’t care what you have to say about it.

DONT FORGET TO VOTE IN THE TELL ME WHY COMPETITION CLICK HERE