Don’t ask how, don’t ask why…But I followed a few links and found myself on a website advertising booty-pads. Just the thought of booty pads makes me laugh. I mean really, if a guy looked at you, and you could tell he was looking at your new improved booty, would you be happy knowing that you’re wearing booty pads?

So you’re standing in the mirror, getting ready to go out, knowing you might have a few drinks and go home with somebody tonight…You slide on your sexiest dress which flaunts your beautifully curved body, then you slide in your booty pads…

I wonder how many plump, round, succulent, booty cheeks I’ve stared at have been booty pads. Is this like a regular thing? Does every woman have a pair at home? I mean is it worse than a padded bra or is it the same thing?  What if your wife wanted to wear booty pads, would you let her? How about your husband?

Would you be disappointed if the girl you were talking to used a booty pad, and really she was suffering from anti-ass syndrome? 

My lovely lumps

Wait, women aren’t the only culprits here. What about the male PACKAGE enhancer. A 34 dollar pair of underwear that does the exact same thing as would stuffing your boxers with socks!!!! But why do that, when you can get the real thing!?!?! 

For the ladies….Would you be upset if your crush was wearing a penis pad this whole time, that his bulge was really just a ball of cotton, and he’s lacking?

Get your Package Enhancer today, or else you’re a wimp! A butt pad, is included.

Final question: What do you say when you’re about to get down to business and you reveal the persons pad, and what is uncovered is extremely disappointing?  Do you say something, or continue doing what you’re doing?

By the way, if you want to get you a booty pad, feel free to purchase one by clicking here

Was it overkill? He was so in the moment…I was laughing so hard when I saw this. I was going for the Lakers but wasn’t sad when Boston won. They deserved it just as much. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!

(Click Image for Full Size)

Has this ever happened to you? Do you find it funny or offensive? If you’re white do you feel safer crossing the street?

Click here to see what to do if Kobe Bryant was on the other side of the street.

Okay, now if you’re white your options are limited. If you’re surrounded by Black people, your options become even more limited. I don’t have much advice for you here because you can get two reactions. Black people who don’t care, and Black people who are highly offended. If the Black person is highly offended, you probably might want to burn off like this dude. You could always cut your tongue off though, then you won’t have to worry about words “slipping” out.

Anybody else got advice for this person?

Sidenote* - Why are people searching African Boy getting Beat with Belt…….Fetish? Nah, just weird.

This is NOT racist.

Have you ever wanted to wear a Noose around your neck and live to tell about it? Well the time is NOW! Disney has created a 14K Gold Noose Necklace to add to their Pirates of the Caribbean Collection. This is the perfect piece of jewelry to complete any ensemble. Unlike the old days, this Noose only takes one person to put on and it also comes with a case!

Whether you’re going out with your Black friends, or just stylin’ with your “peeps”, this necklace is perfect for you and your family. Wait, not done yet! This Necklace is also on sale for $39.99, it’s normally $60! What a STEAL! 

Buy it now: DISNEY COUTURE Pirates Caribbean Gold Noose NECKLACE

Hypebeast: A person who has no personal sense of style. One who will only rock hyped-up, overpriced, “exclusive” items, follows all of the trends, and attempts to match ridiculous colors. A Hypebeast will spend 2 days outside a Footlocker Store awaiting a release of a pair of overpriced Jordans that he doesn’t really like.

An expensive pricetag says it all for the Hypebeast. Infact, some hypebeasts like the price of their clothes to the point where they fail to remove the pricetag. Failure to remove the pricetag shows the world how expensive their clothing item is, how they spend their money better than you, and how you’re style of clothing is not only cheap, but obsolete. They also claim to be Sneakerheads, and will succumb to performing fellatio on their local Wino if he has the latest pair of Bapestas, or Dunks.

Hypebeasts are the Douchebags of the Black Community

Douchebag.

These guys look ridiculous. They match their shoelaces with they braces, their underwear with their earrings, their cellphones with their toenails, the bottom of their shoes with the seat of their bikes, and their contacts are purple. A lot of the time these guys look like walking rainbows.

Hypebeasts claim they only shop online, or in expensive boutiques. They believe department stores are below them, although you will occasionally see you’re local hypebeast in the dressing room at JC Pennys, or TJ Maxx with their mothers and a cartful of clothes. Most likely, they’re trying on clothes for a “family member, or friend.” They will also wear huge rope chains around their scrawny-necks.

50% of a Hypebeasts life is spent on Niketalk.com, trying to prove to other Hypebeasts that his sneaker knowledge is superior to theirs. When not on Niketalk, he spends his time studying and keeping up with what new kicks are coming out so he can have the upper hand when in a conversation with a rival Hypebeast.

Hypebeast always travel in pairs because most of their neighborhood dislike them, but the Hypebeasts believe they’re envied. Together they consider themselves unstoppable, and won’t hesitate to say, “Ahh, that nigga still shop at JC Penny.”

To see a rich hypebeast is a rare occasion. A lot of the time they work somewhere mediocre and 3/4ths of their check goes to adding to their wardrobe. If they do not have a job, they ask their grandmother daily for cash.

How to become a Hypebeast: Log onto Niketalk and Hypebeast.com daily. Perfect being a douche bag. Pluck your eyebrows. Wear purple contacts. Spend 500 dollars on a pair of shoes. Match 10 exotic colors at once. Look up to Pharell and Nigo in the gayest way possible. If you need more tips call - 1-800-HYPEBEAST

Now you know all about Hypebeasts. Feel free to label all of your friends with expensive clothes and merchandise  Hypebeasts if they match any of the criteria above. A hypebeast is not only confined to clothing, it could be anything.

-Personal Rant.*

Your kids will be able to relate to this! I think it’s hilarious. Obama vs McCain - Pokemon Style

Hope + Change = Presidency. If only life was that easy.

Self Portrait (+10 inches of manpower)

After a long day being a G, I’m just trying to get some grub. As always just trying do my thing, but these white people won’t leave me alone. I’m at McDonalds trying to get motherfuc*in Hot n Spicy McChicken, and my white classmate struts up and says, “G, you know you have high blood pressure, I don’t think you should eat that, you should probably get a salad.” In my head I’m like, what the fu*k is a salad? I need meat man, I’m hungry. I ain’t no rabbit.

And the funny thing is I don’t even have high blood pressure, and I’m far from chubby. So I’m like wow I got stereotyped like crazy, he’s probably going to ask me which part of Africa I came from next and if we live in mud huts. Anyways, he bought a salad, and I purchased a Hot N Spicy McChicken. And then he even says, “Do you even know what’s in that? You probably wouldn’t eat it if you did.” Tell me why he wants me to go hungry? Damn homie, let me eat!

This dude didn’t even look like he was enjoying his salad (I was dying in laughter on the inside). First, he like doused it in 2 packs of ranch dressing, then added croûtons and mixed everything up, by the time he was done, it looked like some soup or something. I’m pretty sure it was unhealthier than my Hot N Spicy. The guy thought he was saving the world or something with his Super Salad.

Whatever.

To my Black people on the real -

Quit with the overeating bullsh*t. That sh*t is ridiculous. Ni*gas is dying from eating. How you gonna be so greedy that you die from eating? I’m tired of seeing 5 year old girls who weigh more than me with hypertension and diabetes. This one girl came to stay in my house…(Lord forgive me) 9 years old, 300+ pounds. Why was she in my house? I dont know, but she was an eating machine. She didn’t leave nothing for anyone. I would come home and she would be laying on the couch with a plate on her stomach. I seen her drink a whole soda in 10 seconds and crush the can, smh. But yeah, TELL ME WHY? I heard someone in the kitchen in the middle of the night, so I walked in there and I aint see noone? Low and behold this girl was hiding in the pantry closet beastin on food, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wished I never looked because she scared the sh*t out of me.

Sometimes I was afraid that she would hurt me, because she weighed almost twice as much as me So I never denied her food.

Moral:

Black people: Watch your kids they getting too fat too young. If your right hand makes you eat too much….cut it off.

White people: Don’t talk down on Black peoples food when we’re eating. It’s offensive and we really don’t care what you have to say about it.

DONT FORGET TO VOTE IN THE TELL ME WHY COMPETITION CLICK HERE

Don’t you hate it when……You’re having a conversation with somebody, and then it hits you…This person has been either eating doo-doo cookies, or recently performed ass-to-mouth resuscitation. So the other day a fellow classmate and I were conversing about catheterizing the elderly (read About section), and he leaned in to say something and it felt like I got hit by a speeding 18-wheeler and pepper sprayed continuously while receiving a roundhouse kick to the temple simultaneously.

Something about it just ain’t right though. Your breath should smell acceptable at least until midday. But people come in at the crack of dawn with putrid, foul-smelling breath. The type breath that you can’t help but put on that face that Black women make when vigorously shaking their rumps. The type breath that makes you say, “Go*damn”. What happened to brushing your teeth in the morning people, for real? I know after a long day sometimes you skip that night toothbrushing session, but not the morning people…please.

Quick Story: The first day in 6th Grade I met this guy. His breath was horrendous. Type breath that cant be confined between his lips. I swear I could almost see his breath. Well yeah, up till graduation from High school I never forgot that day and always remembered his foul breath.

Moral - First impressions matter people, keep a pack of gum handy.

How do you tell somebody if their breath stinks?

Good question. For close friends tell them straight up, in a polite way.

For other people, grab a piece of gum for yourself and offer them one. If they say they don’t want it, let them roam the earth with assmouthatitis.

Also feel free to consult this page - How to Tell Someone Their Breath Stinks

So for the people with chronic Halitosis, I’ve provided some details for you below.

Techniques to know if your Breath Stanks:

1. Breathe on hand technique. - Quite accurate way to measure stank breath. Most people use a combination between this and option #2.

2. Foul Taste in mouth - Most of the time, if ya mouth test bad, ya breath is kickin’.

3. Ask a friend.

4. Peoples eyes water and they look away when speaking to you.

5. Click here for more.

So yeah this is just my little version of a PSA, encouraging all the people with stank ass breath to brush they teeth, because we know. We know your breath stanks, just look at our faces.

Anyone had any experiences like this?