Black Mans Basic Guide To Party Drinks
Published April 3rd, 2008 in SRBPL, anythingBlack
It’s important for a Black man to know his alcohol. This way he can always attend the right occasion with the right bottle. This guide is a brief summary of some party liquors, who you might see drinking them, and how to use them to your advantage at social events.
Unacceptable Drinks - MD 20/20, Boone’s Farm, Olde English. If seen with one of these drinks, you will be automatically labeled broke. These are of no use.
Acceptable Drinks - See Below
Crown Royal - Hennessy’s brother, makes a good substitute when Hennessy is not available. Be sure to hold onto the purple bag for future use. This bag may be used to carry change or even drugs or drug paraphernalia, with style. Mixed with Coca-Cola, this is a drink for the Commoner.
Grey Goose* - You may see a few people who think they are high-rollers with bottles of Grey Goose. This liquor is commonly associated with cranberry juice. If you would like to join their conversation just approach with the line, “I heard Grey Goose gets you loose.” If successful, you will be offered a drink. If not, you will be shunned for the remainder of the night. Grey Goose can also be toted along to white parties, it is a multi-race liqueur.
Hpnotiq & Hennessy - Make sure you hold these two bottles in your hand when arriving at the event. You are automatically the life of the party. When mixed together, these two drinks are known as The Incredible Hulk. To maximize the WOW effect, the drink should always be in a clear glass on ice. While at a party or any social event no other person with a Hulk should not be within 30 feet, or the exclusivity is ruined. Note: Do not substitute Jolly Green Giant for Incredible Hulk. Your joke will fail - (See Image Below)
Ew Sweatmarks
Cristal - If you bring a bottle of Cristal with you , be sure that you are separated from the Commoners (see up), this way you’re expensive bottle does not go to waste. Cristal is best used at upper scale, suit and tie, parties. This shows that you are rich, and with each sip, you’ve spent a significant amount of money.
On the club scene: This beverage (Cristal) is for the “high-rollers”, who probably spent a great portion of their check on the bottle. Most of them will claim to be rappers and producers, or know some people who know some people who are rappers or producers. The majority of them will be working on getting their record deal.
Scotch - If you work in corporate America, this is a great gift to give to your white co-workers/boss without implying that he’s no good white trash like a bottle of Jack Daniels would. Most likely you have just bought your way into their hearts and will receive an insignificant pay raise and no extra job security. Score!
Congratulations, now you know which liquor to use to your advantage and when!
Note to the white people: Feel free to use any of these drinks (except Scotch & the unacceptables) to befriend your fellow Black co-workers. If invited to a Black housewarming event a bottle of Moët should suffice. Everybody enjoys poppin’ bottles, just don’t get the champagne on the new carpet.
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13 Comments to “Black Mans Basic Guide To Party Drinks”
- 1 Pingback on Jun 6th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
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absolutely hilarious…but dude we cant fuck with the cristal anymore since that dude made those insensitive border line racist comments… ace of spade! hov!
MAJOR EBP MISTAKE:
I have to correct you on something. Most of the EBP nowadays are no longer drinking Cristal thanks to a public dennouncement of the product by rapper/mogul Jay Z. These days most EBP wont touch the stuff for fear of being labeled a sell out. Just google Jay Z and cristal.
On the contrary during SuperBowl weekend Diddy bought out the entire city of Phoenix, Glendal and Scottsdale, AZ in their available stock of Cristal for his parties. We all have our opinions about Diddy.
If you really want to impress EBP pull out a bottole of Petrus as references by Jay Z and Pharrell Williams who reports drinking this uberly expensive vino by the straw.
There was 2 cents now let me get back to me OE.
http://www.platenuts.com
true but fuck ebp. good post brahh. cristal is still on point in my eyes
It’s all about the Rose, pink champagne in the pimp cup.
haha cristal is wiggidy wackkk
I love Champagne
u lost big points with the cristal comment!!! step ur blog up and ur drink catalogue playa!
The purple bags are also good for storing condoms as they provide a cool, dry place…
@ dat n_,
f_ you for me being so educated!
lol@ ppl saying f*ck EBP
Sad
I went to a Dead Prez concert and those cats actually got the crowd to say “f*ck education”
The punchline is that this was a a predominately white college. The college students (of all races, but mostly white) said it, then went to class the next day.
The irony is that the a group like Dead Prez says it, and some ppl take it as a means of affirming their decision to continue both being uneducated (diplomas and titles are the way of the land…deal with it and get yours) and see an imaginary divide between themselves and their “educated” brethren.
Side note, I remember growing up in a black church of mostly working class folk where they repeatedly try to discourage kids from pursuing higher education because that would be showing “worldliness” and too much of an emphasis on “the love of money, prestige, and social position,” rather than God.
My point, the in-fighting is ridiculous. Chill with that. There’s a scripture in the bible, something to the effect of: “Don’t point out the stick in your brother’s eye when you have a rafter in your own.”
peace
Hello, how are you?
Just as an FYI,
Grey Goose was referred to above as a “Liqueur”. It is a “Liquor”. There is clearly a difference.
Grand Marnier is an example of a “liqueur”.
From Wiki, here is their “accepted” answer…
Liquor Is Distilled Into Ethyl Alcohol And Water. Liqueur Is A Combination Of Distilled Beverages, Rum Ect With Fruit, Syrup, Ect Added. The Stuff Thet Makes You Real Sick. Hope This Helps
From another well published website…
In general, liqueurs are sweetened spirits with various flavors, oils and extracts. Liqueur alcohol content can range from a low 15 percent (30 proof) to 55 percent (110 proof), so potency is not a distinguishing factor. Rum, whiskey, brandy, and other liquors can serve as a base spirit for liqueurs. Cream liqueurs have cream added, while créme liqueurs are much sweeter, likened to a potent syrup. Our ancestors referred to liqueurs as cordials, and they were often used medicinally.
Liquor is an alcoholic beverage made of grains or other plants which is fermented into a potent drink. Although sugar is generally used in the fermentation process, the resulting liquor is not sugary sweet. Liquors are nowadays available in flavored forms but are not sweet to the palate. The flavor is usually added after distilling through a steeping process, much like vinegars and oils are infused.
You gotta be white!
Thanks.